In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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