the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if only i could text you this smell
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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