i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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