you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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