When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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