Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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