Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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(479): Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school... http://tfl.nu/5amt

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(206): View more from Washington

I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

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(206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie

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(304): View more from West Virginia

My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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(304): My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within. http://tfl.nu/zogn

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(310): View more from California

When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth

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(310): When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth http://tfl.nu/ve5l

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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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(817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq

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(618): View more from Illinois

you should give me head with plastic fangs in

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(618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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(615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic

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(678): View more from Georgia

Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.

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(678): Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody. http://tfl.nu/1fu4

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(716): View more from New York

Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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(716): Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan. http://tfl.nu/rfh9

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(270): View more from Kentucky

We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".

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(270): We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots". http://tfl.nu/6unx

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(206): View more from Washington

Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.

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(206): Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun. http://tfl.nu/5ck8

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(707): View more from California

Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.

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(707): Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/6mha

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(513): View more from Ohio

Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.

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(513): Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude. http://tfl.nu/aac3

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.

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(330): I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it. http://tfl.nu/otfu

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(310): View more from California

I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

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(310): I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it. http://tfl.nu/9g38

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