I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize