it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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