I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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