If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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