Already got asked if we're dating
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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