Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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