his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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