I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize