I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize