this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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