Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize