he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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