Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize