covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize