You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize