i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize