I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize