i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize