Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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