I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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