I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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