hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize