Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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