remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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