sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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