checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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