i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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