can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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