You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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