this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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