the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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