help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize