hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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