Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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