Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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