i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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