God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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