Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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