we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize