She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize