is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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