im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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