I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize