I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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